


pathetic

by yunbun



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorders, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marvin Not Being an Asshole (Falsettos), Marvin's Tragic Backstory, This hurt, and i started it Years ago but idk i finished it in RE today !!, but implied gay, but still gay ;)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28739898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yunbun/pseuds/yunbun
Summary: His limbs feel impossibly heavy for a human pair, and he doesn't want to join the dots about being discharged out of hospital at least a week ago. His blanket - well, moreover his friend's blanket, it's not his. He isn't worthy enough for that - weighs too much, and he thinks that if he stays, he might just be eaten alive. Swallowed up by the covers. The intense amount of heat simply radiating from it is enough for tears to pool in his eyes. He… He can't get up. Or he doesn't want to. Whatever indistinct dream he had to endure has faded, leaving only him behind; Pathetically huddled and hiding himself under a blanket. A heavy blanket, mind you. He feels the coiling of something inside his chest, and it makes him heave slightly, and it tries to escape, coming out in the form of tears. Pathetic.;-;marvin has a relapse day after the court case
Relationships: Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	pathetic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [joisattempting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joisattempting/gifts).



> !! MEGA TW FOR EATING DISORDERS AND FORCED WEIGHT LOSS !!
> 
> hi !! i'm bacc what's good-
> 
> i started to write this ages ago but Never finished until today so tAKE IT !! i'm sorry it's not as fluffy as to fit into the "Whizzvin Fluff" section, but take it,, because yes.
> 
> i Devote this to jo hi jo ilysm
> 
> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated !! <33 i'll shut it now-

For a fleeting second, Marvin wakes up, and nothing is wrong.

His limbs feel impossibly heavy for a human pair, and he doesn't want to join the dots about being discharged out of hospital at least a week ago. His blanket - well, moreover his friend's blanket, it's not his. He isn't worthy enough for that - weighs too much, and he thinks that if he stays, he might just be eaten alive. Swallowed up by the covers. The intense amount of heat simply radiating from it is enough for tears to pool in his eyes. He… He can't get up. Or he doesn't want to. Whatever indistinct dream he had to endure has faded, leaving only him behind; Pathetically huddled and hiding himself under a blanket. A heavy blanket, mind you. He feels the coiling of something inside his chest, and it makes him heave slightly, and it tries to escape, coming out in the form of tears. Pathetic.

But nothing is wrong, damnit.

The clock reads 10:05. What harm can another half hour in bed do, after all?

He doesn't want to get up. If he gets up, he’ll have to face the life which he detests. Not the people; The people - who are fitfully sleeping in their own rooms - are too good for Marvin. Too good for his whining, too good for his pathetic manners with food, how skinny he is, how he weighs everyone down, how life will never be good enough for him. Or, rather, how he can’t escape to the downstairs bathroom again. He doesn’t want to, but he does. It’s not his fault, it’s…

It’s 10:25 now. Marvin is still in bed, and the covers haven’t swallowed him up. Unfortunately. He’s not sure if it’s his heartbeat or not, but what sounds like heaving footsteps begin to clamber up their - not his, _their_ \- old, sturdy staircase. What does he do? Shit, what _can_ he do? His heart begins to race but he isn’t moving. His palms are sweating, but he’s cold. He can't breathe. His head is pounding, and the steps are getting closer. Suddenly, an old, yet new familiar feeling clambers up his dry throat, and he has to squeeze his eyes shut, sending patterns dancing across his dark eyelids, until the feeling slightly settles. Whoever is coming, words feel like too much to handle, but he’d be pathetic enough to leave them both to silence. His chest is heaving and goddamnit _he can’t breathe._ He wants to be swallowed up, he wants to disappear, he wants to vomit. He _needs_ to vomit. A tsunami of sounds and senses suddenly spill over him, submerging him into what could possibly be another overload. Tears are rushing down his face but he can’t feel them, he’s numb but sensitive at the same time, he’s cold but hot, shaking but deadly still and he can’t breathe, and--

“Mor--” His friends usual bubbly demeanour suddenly dissipates, “--ning,”

Marvin is shaking uncontrollably now, shuddering and sobbing.

“Hey,” Whizzer gently approaches him, laying a gentle hand on the sheets, “You oka-”

And suddenly everything is too much, words are too much, the room is too much, and Marvin is pulling the covers off himself as fast as he can, goosebumps coating his pale, meek frame and rushing to the toilet. His blood turns solid and sounds tune out as he dry-heaves into the toilet bowl, spilling out every single emotion he has in his body. His ears are ringing, it’s high and dull, but all he can do is retch into the porcelain bowl, gripping onto the sides for dear life with one hand. It’s cool, smooth, and makes Marvin feel so hot. Past the ringing, the heat, the chills, he can hear a distant, shrill voice he knows all too well telling him to _“Man up, Marvin. You’re pathetic, Marvin. Try harder. Eat less. Throw it up. That’s not all. Keep going. Keep-”_

Then, the ringing dies down, sounds turn to coherent words, his blood can flow again, and he leans back into the arms that are supporting him.

“You’re okay, honey. I’ve got you,” The voice is sweet, smooth, and it’s here. It’s not a figment, it’s actually next to him. He’s shaking in their arms, shuddering breaths tearing his poor frame apart. He lays his head on their chest, smelling - distantly, but smelling nonetheless - sweet perfume and sharp shampoo. He realises where he is, who’s arms he’s in, and that sudden realisation makes him heave again. He leans forward, and even more sounds are emerging from deep within him, but nothing comes out. His body tunes all noise out again, until he hears Whizzer’s soft, familiar footsteps, “Emmet’s still asleep,”

He can feel all the textures as he leans back, how sticky and sodden his fingers are, how his body is soused with the sickly stench of sweat, and his head hurts, it’s pounding against his skull, as if it doesn’t want to know him, to be near him. And he can’t blame it. He wouldn’t want to be near himself either, “Anne’s got you,”

_“Pathetic.”_

“P-Pathetic-” He mumbles, feeling how his mouth is dry but too wet at the same time.

“Hm? What was that honey?”

“‘M- ‘M pathetic- Can’t do anyth’n’ right-'' His words are slurring together, and he finally has the strength to open his eyes, welcoming the sight of the bright, harsh white tiled walls of Whizzer’s bathroom, and said boy’s mother with Whizzer next to him, rubbing soothing circles into his back. Even the very colour of the walls sends him back to that day, when his mother’s tight-strung frame came hurrying through the marble halls of Summerhill Rehab Centre, everybody preparing themselves for the worse.

_“You’re a disgrace.”_

“No you are not, kid. You’ve come so far, come through so much, especially that horrid mother of yours, there’s no way you’re pathetic. Relapse days are bound to happen,” She strokes his hair, “And you know what? I’ve admired you ever since you walked across this very street, with your little hand in Andy’s here,”

“I think you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Whizzer said, still rubbing circles, “And that’s the truth. You never fail to amaze me, Marvin Feldman, and I hope you know that. What your mother put you through was horrible, and I just want you to know that you inspire me to no end. I promise, me, Del, Trina, Char and Delia will all be there for you until the day we die. You make us feel so proud, and we always will,” From somewhere down a distant tunnel, _“Do you know? All I want is you,”_ echos sweetly in Marvin’s mind. The simple impact of the words hit him in the gut, and tears well behind his deep, azure eyes, and spill down his slim cheeks.

“C’mere,” Anne mumbles, bundling him into her arms as he sobs against her chest.She reaches an arm out for Whizzer to join, and he tenderly takes Marvins’ face in his hands, smiling sweetly down at him. And, although his face is a deep carmine, his sunken eyes are swimming and he looks pale, he’s never felt so loved, so precious, in nearly all of his life.

“T-Thank you,” He smiles, leaning into each persons’ touch. This is all he needs. A family. A home. Although he still feels ultimately nauseous and his breathing is coming in equally hurried, shaking spurts, he manages to relax in Anne’s arms. She reaches up and empties their toothbrushes out of a cup, filling it with water, and hands it to Marvin, “How are you feeling now, dear?”

He sips the water gingerly, “B-Better?” His voice is impossibly hoarse and scratchy, shaky, yet less slurred, “I should’ve- Should’ve known this was comin’, I didn’t feel good at dinner yesterday,”

“Well that’s normal,” Whizzer reassures him, holding him as his mom steps up to flush the toilet, “And that’s gonna happen. But we’re all ready to fight it off, the bitch,” Marvin chuckles at that.

“I’ll go start on something for Emmet, you gonna be okay with Andy here? He’s not the best emotional support,”

“I- Wh- Unbelievable!” Whizzer stammers over Marvin bark of laughter.

“Well, I mean, you did eat all of Jack’s birthday cake, and then continued as he cried _right in front of you-”_

“Okay! Okay, that’s enough!” The boy yelps, blushing as they both laugh, yet unable to stop himself from joining in. And that’s how Marvin spends the morning, burrowed in Whizzer’s arms as they talk about nothing and everything, and he knows he’s going to be okay, no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed !! happy new year !! <33


End file.
